" Busca y ve las maravillas que te rodean. Te cansarás de mirarte a ti mismo, y el cansancio te hará sordo y ciego a todo lo demás."

Las Enseñanzas de Don Juan

After Adam

Did you know the loneliness of someone without a place to return?

who just can shut up the whispers of his death, wandering

I met it

a beatiful red and blue mirror

reflected it to me

with her flames

with her cold breeze.

Did you know the black vail

covering your sight

dragging your steps of life?

I met it

the weight of my thoughts, doubts, 

and the hand of the past over my back

showed it to me

Eight hours and a plenty of pills

threw me away to a bench by the Thames

where i wished to stop the burden 

Almost

After, a polish junkie friend arrived

and showed to me 

without more intention to smoke weed

the path to keep

Like Virgil

like a higher phylosopher of the streets

he showed to me

through the alleys of the London's purgatories

a way to come back

And he said it 

over and over again:

at least Im ok

at least im free again

I have my hands and legs

to build and run away

And I can keep the smile

despite all the shit

The tide threw me away

and I survived that night

now I try to remember

and rebuild myself

but im not going

anymore 

to run away

23-Ago-17

28-07-2017

Ayer mandé a convocatoria el cuento de Pirausta. Si quedo entre los diez mejores me publicarán en antología para presentarse en la FIL 2018 de Guadalajara.

Sigo en introspección. Tengo una sombra que tengo que aceptar. Me he reflejado en el espejo negro de Tezcatlipoca y ha sido peligroso...

Te mostré ambas caras, por eso es que me siento susceptible y avergonzado, creo y siento que no di lo mejor de mí. Me quedé en esa parte nefasta y negativa, estancado, miope, esperando todo de afuera.

Ahora sigo un poco igual, aunque lucho y me cuesta mucho trabajo verme al espejo y no mirar esa parte, no me gusta lo que veo, aun estoy un poco cegado. Me siento acorralado y no lo soporto. Más allá, en los intentos pendejos que cometí de salir, de no ver futuro ni tener esperanza , fue porque no me creí capaz de salir de mí mismo y superarme. 

Sé que es una lucha, pero por ahora estoy tirado. Y sé que estoy cosechando lo que cultivé estos meses. Se ha ido juntando como bola de nieve y me hallo ahora superado. 

Al final soy yo, y no puedo olvidarlo ni seguirlo evadiendo. Estoy herido y me duele, me he herido a mí mismo.

Me tengo miedo y asco.

If I die tomorrow

I wandered across hours of roads between the hills of Oaxaca, to see again the water of the Pacífico

I felt the heat around me, inside of my breath, flowing in drops of sweat

I saw rose flowers of ivy over the walls, red and yellow birds; a guy talking with his parakeet

I read you two times, but couldnt stop of think on you, and still...

I saw the vail of stars, the same covering you just some hours after, in the other side of the world

And I dont understand why I lose the taste of life. I just see, hear, think, but I cant enjoy. I feel dry, angry with people but so sad alone. I cant touch nothing; nothing can touch me now. My breast its empty.

I miss that feeling inside my plexus: when that left me, I loose all my capacities of appreciation. Im a black mirror, nothing pass through me.

What kind of life Im living?
Why I must to continue with this empty taste of the things?

II

I loved a greek (cosmopolitan) women, with a name of goddess and red heritage; 
free like a deep breathe and strong like her decisions

I loved the interstellar explosions of her eyes, a deep black hole burning on the light of the stars being born (or dying?)

I miss her like a demon the flames, but I hate her by the distance between our lifes and her incapacity to understand the things 

I fucking miss her voice and words, her heat even her cold way to ignore me.

I hope find her the next life 


6-Jul-2017
Pto Escondido